Growing Old

When I look at my nephew I see a little kid who would have a malicious laugh and was afraid of big dogs and cuts. A mental memory that I wish to see him like that forever, in reality he's a soon to be teenager who thinks for himself and has his own mind now. THAT breaks me.

I was talking to a friend the other day and he had mentioned to me that his 13 yr old brother has a girlfriend for sexual favors. When he told me that everything went into a screeching halt. I've forgotten how everyone is during that age curious and discovering words then a meaning then the action. It bothered me because he follows me around and looks up to me and for me to be AWARE that he may be thinking about Sex and it's pleasures really struck a nerve. The down side of this is the fact that he listens to me and respects me everyone WANTS me to have "THE TALK" with him.

First off I know I don't mind talking about sex with my peers but with a younger family member? That's different. Secondly, if I use the wrong wording he'll think it's OK to go humping around person to person. Thirdly if anything does happen later on as the years progress it'll be my doing for my HORRIFIC explanation. Fourthly, I AM NOT a parent yet.

It is what it is, I'll try my best and hopefully I give him the best rational and reasonable explanation I can come up with.

Another thing that's been on my mind is Pregnancy. And no I'm not thinking about bearing a child. Humph. Lately the word on text messages is that a handful of people I know/knew of are pregnant. I'm not against this not at all by all means have babies just don't ask me to baby sit. But, in all seriousness, It freaks me out a bit. The thought of having to be responsible for someone who cannot provide for ones self and is dependant scares me. I've come to the conclusion that at the moment I am not emotionally/physically/intelligently/economically prepared for a child. Kids like me I know because any kid I'm near wants me to carry them. Do I see myself as a mother? No. Not at all. Will I be a good enough mother? Probably not. You get the point.

On a lighter note. Mother and I have become closer, and by this I mean she's revealed a bit about their *mom and dads* courting period. I've learned a few things on what to expect in a future relationship (if any). Apparently, my mom and I feel the same when it comes to a relationship. The whole old fashion falling for love not looks deal. I like the way my parents met and how they fought all odds to be together.

Here's a little history My dad was a looker according to mom who had many ladies in his life but saw something special in my mom at a like carnival thing. Mom left to California came back and ran into my dad many times after she came back it was as if fate or chance brought them together many times. 36 yrs later they're still keeping it alive.

Love Conquers All,
The Eccedentesiast