Complete Transition

Self - reflections are threatening and really makes a person question whether or not what you are trying to accomplish is really worth it in the end. And yes I did reflect it's been a year and a month that I don't reflect and maybe I'm biting too much, not chewing enough and not swallowing the pieces down.

For one I don't know what's the best decision for me at the moment every thing's muddy and just spread out there. If my mind doesn't make me crazy I don't know what will. I've been so deep in though that I finally found myself arguing with me If that makes any sense. Whether or not I've made too many irrational decisions and not really put some thought into it. The more I think about these 'irrational decisions' the more I end up thinking of different out comes. I guess what I'm trying to say here is that I've come up with different endings on any decision I've ever made and it's driving me insane because I don't have a solid plan on the long run. What a nut case eh?

Other than those economic problems going on at home, I shake it off because money problems can be solved. I also believe that these things happen for a reason, and in this case it brought my sister and brother in law back to earth and out of their clouds of money. Money won't last forever and isn't everything one should look forward to that theory has been proven and shown and I saw it evolve and turn into the mess it's gotten part of my family in. Lesson learned time to move on.

I questioned myself why I gone into a phase of deep thought and reflection and the only outcome of this is that what lays ahead of me the decisions and things I do will affect tomorrow. I guess I do come off as an asshole 95% of the time with the tone of voice and the phrasing I use to ask/say things. It's a no brainer why my sisters would get pissed at me when I'd come up to them in a really "bad-ass" attitude. Hell I'd get pissed at me too but fuck it, it happened it's in the past now it's over.

I ran across a few letters and I read and re-read them, I guess I felt melancholic like I wanted to run after everyone who where someone and matter and give them a hug catch up with them have a few drinks and move on. Although I know that it's impossible every one's scattered all over. Then I look at the pictures prom, homecoming, I realized how childish all that seems now and how self centered everyone was back then.

That was then, this is now. The now seems so confusing and stressful but in the end it is what it is.

I'm just a Teenage Dirtbag,
The Eccedentesiast