About the past I realized every experience was a learning one. From being patient, being myself and taking it a day at a time. A day at a time. That's my problem. I look too far into my "fantasy" future hoping and expecting for current situations to go the way I invision them and not thinking of the "if worst comes to worst" situations. Taking the rose colored way outcome of things have caused me to get bored and uninterested of what will really happen like reading the ending of a novel. You read the end already so you think you pretty much figured out what may happen from then on, rather than enjoying each and every sentence and scenario given. That's what I need to improve on taking it all a day at a time and letting it all come down on that given day. I've learned the hard way now I'm fixing it. Maybe these past few months I really wasn't lost I was just bored of repetition. I learned plenty through my last relationship mainly about myself. The fact that patience and understating can go a long way. It defined me at my best and at my worst, highlighting my highs and my lows. Bringing out what needs improvement and what should stay the same. Probably if we would of met later on in life when we had what needed to be resolved the out come would of been different. What is there left to do when someone knows you inside out? Marriage wasn't the option because we're still so young even if we are the same we are drastically different. Tying my life and choices wasn't one of my options or decisions at the moment because in reality we've just started and we got so much life ahead of us to screw up or make amends.
With change came someone new. With him I've restricted myself from thinking too far ahead. I'm taking this a day at a time. I'm spilling my feelings slowly and getting to know him slowly since we really don't need to rush what we've both found in this confusing time of both our lives. He's different from what I'm accustomed to spending my time with but we're just alike in more than one way. It's different for him since he's used to being with girls who are the opposite of what I am. We find ourselves talking open endedly of our experiences and relationships and neither one of us finds offense to anything we say. It's understood that what's in the past is the past and can't change it. He may say he isn't splitting atoms but he has potential to being the most brilliant person I've ever met. He's a complex individual whose hard to read but once you pick at his tough manly shell he's not what he appears to be. He's more than meets the eye and I've already learned a few things from him. Where this may lead is unknown at the time being but wherever it may lead we both are learning from this and taking it a day at a time.
Lately my cage was rattled with a good friend thinking about committing suicide many a memory came to mind Gabriel, everyones buddy Alex and a few others. I suppose the thought about losing someone else really hit a nerve. Which made me more angry than sad. It's a cliched topic but everyone has experienced personally or through hearing it from others. Knowing that there was a way I could prevent this friend from going through it was what I needed to do but I felt so scared at the same time. Yeah, It's scary to think that someones life lies in your hands even though you really can't make their decision just talk to them about how unnecessary it really is.
Lighter Notes:
- Eddie got accepted to Baylor
- I watched the Dark night and I don't care how many people talk down to me but I didn't find it as "epic" as everyone said. It was a typical batman movie and the batman wasn't even THAT good looking. What was up with that creepy raspy voice it really didn't need to be that creepy (oh yeah I said it) . The Joker in the other hand was the only 'epic' character in that movie. Talk about going from gay cowboy to manic clown!
Missing Heath Ledger,
The Eccedentesiast
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Listening to: Say Anything - A Walk Through Hell
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