Ever since that last blog many things have occurred. I was too lazy to keep record of everything that has gone on but I'll just babble on about whatever I can remember or has some sort of sentimental connection so to speak. I'm officially 20, broke as fuck, distanced from certain individuals, in a very strange family, and in a relationship. I know there's more but I don't really want to dig up the rest. (Since it's not convenient of course)
Just to recap as of now, I realized how many unnecessary people are in my life. The sad thing is it's not people who help me better myself or are around me because they actually like my company or just like me as a friend. It's people who just seem to love to make me twist and turn in odd shapes (emotionally) and just cause me to have these horrible feelings. I know I hurt them but they need to understand where I come from in this situation. I'm DONE with people trying to rule my decisions and try to dictate who to talk to, who to see and what to do with my life. Let alone try to get what they want by making me feel like shit. It was about time I grew some womanly balls and shoved them out of my life. I don't need the extra baggage from them since I want to travel light from now on.
A few weeks ago (or a month ago) I was pretty taken back and a few things I heard from the grapevine. Things a friend who was once very close said about me not caring about him, to settle things I shrugged it off because things happen and people grow apart for reasons. I'm not going to chase him around asking him to take me back mainly because that isn't my style if he wants to talk to me he knows where he can find me but I will make this known that I don't push anyone away without reason.
In current time, these past few weeks have been blissful in more than one way. I found myself in a relationship that seems to be growing. Before I even began to blog I re-read the past few blogs smiled and laughed and looked at the present. Love really does come at the strangest time and randomly.
Who is this Victor guy that makes me feel all calm and happy? You don't need to know, I know who he is and I know how I feel about him and everything that we've said and done. I'm glad to feel that feeling of butterflies and flutters in my heart. It's been quite a long time that something like this takes me over completely. I don't mind sneaking around just to be with him because at the end it's all worth it the feeling is worth it. Laying down next to him makes me feel so alive and just being around him makes me feel human. It's crazy how easily he can make me laugh even when he isn't around then again I laugh easily but this is different. I can't explain it and I'm not going to bother to explain it because it isn't meant to be explain it just happens. I just know that whenever I'm with him, talking to him, or thinking about him everything else can go to hell because right now he's in my thoughts and I like it.
I could go on and on about how awesome and fantastic he is but nobody really needs to know, as long as I know and he knows then there's nothing else that needs to be said. Already though all these little moments and memories and things that are said are starting to bunch up, and it's true well to me that it's the little things that count the most. Am I happy? You bet, I just wished a few things would be different but can't always get what I want. Bottom line is I'm letting it happen and trying not to hold back.
The lawyer situation well it's sort of someone kinda moving on but it's taking a toll on the best of us, we'll figure it out and I know things will be back to normal in march, regardless how complicated it's getting it'll get sorted out. Here's hoping to luck in the court room someday! (and support is very much appreciated!)
P.S - The movie P.S I love You made me cry like a little bitch the entire time. The thought of losing the one you love by death and the concept of the movie moved me. It made me wonder if and when your soul mate dies you actually feel them around and mentally see them physically even though they really aren't there. I guess the entire theme of love of that movie hit a nerve because I remember crying and all these repressed emotions came out. But after all of that I felt better :)
Eager to give head to my pillow,
Ms. Landeros
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