Ripen and True

Witnessing love at it's best is truly a remarkable thing it makes you feel serenity and peace within ones self. I believe I witness it every morning and every evening. Many people don't truly know the potential how far and how long love can go. Or many simply don't find it and settle.

When my parents talk to each other (if and when in good terms), it's like they've never aged and are still in the courtship period. You can see the love they have just by watching them and listening to how they talk. He looks at her with such glow in his eyes the exact way when he first met her from afar. She talk to him as if it was their first date and she's trying to reel him in and make him hers forever.

I look at other married couples and everyone seems to be different some cold some too distant, maybe that's what the years do to a couple it distance them and things aren't so great like expected. Maybe that's why people divorce when they're older or some just don't because they've grown accustomed to waking up next to that aging person and living with them.

I don't want my "love" to be like that I do hope it's similar like my parents and not feel routine not going anywhere.

Once i heard them over talking and they made a pact that later on shattered me inside from sadness but was so sweet.

My dad tells my mom

"Lets make a deal, If you die first don't leave here for long promise me you'll come get me"

My mom looks at my dad and nods she then says

"Fine. If you die first come quickly for me because I know I won't bare being with out you for too long"

I get chills just thinking about their conversation but what they have is eternal love. (Amor Eterno).

Faithful and True,
The eccedentesiast

Growing Old

When I look at my nephew I see a little kid who would have a malicious laugh and was afraid of big dogs and cuts. A mental memory that I wish to see him like that forever, in reality he's a soon to be teenager who thinks for himself and has his own mind now. THAT breaks me.

I was talking to a friend the other day and he had mentioned to me that his 13 yr old brother has a girlfriend for sexual favors. When he told me that everything went into a screeching halt. I've forgotten how everyone is during that age curious and discovering words then a meaning then the action. It bothered me because he follows me around and looks up to me and for me to be AWARE that he may be thinking about Sex and it's pleasures really struck a nerve. The down side of this is the fact that he listens to me and respects me everyone WANTS me to have "THE TALK" with him.

First off I know I don't mind talking about sex with my peers but with a younger family member? That's different. Secondly, if I use the wrong wording he'll think it's OK to go humping around person to person. Thirdly if anything does happen later on as the years progress it'll be my doing for my HORRIFIC explanation. Fourthly, I AM NOT a parent yet.

It is what it is, I'll try my best and hopefully I give him the best rational and reasonable explanation I can come up with.

Another thing that's been on my mind is Pregnancy. And no I'm not thinking about bearing a child. Humph. Lately the word on text messages is that a handful of people I know/knew of are pregnant. I'm not against this not at all by all means have babies just don't ask me to baby sit. But, in all seriousness, It freaks me out a bit. The thought of having to be responsible for someone who cannot provide for ones self and is dependant scares me. I've come to the conclusion that at the moment I am not emotionally/physically/intelligently/economically prepared for a child. Kids like me I know because any kid I'm near wants me to carry them. Do I see myself as a mother? No. Not at all. Will I be a good enough mother? Probably not. You get the point.

On a lighter note. Mother and I have become closer, and by this I mean she's revealed a bit about their *mom and dads* courting period. I've learned a few things on what to expect in a future relationship (if any). Apparently, my mom and I feel the same when it comes to a relationship. The whole old fashion falling for love not looks deal. I like the way my parents met and how they fought all odds to be together.

Here's a little history My dad was a looker according to mom who had many ladies in his life but saw something special in my mom at a like carnival thing. Mom left to California came back and ran into my dad many times after she came back it was as if fate or chance brought them together many times. 36 yrs later they're still keeping it alive.

Love Conquers All,
The Eccedentesiast

New Found Respect

Things between my sisters and myself haven't been as "tight" as they used to. One day we find ourselves arguing over idiotic things such as "that tone of voice she uses" "the way she acts with me" and so on and so forth. Then the minute we stop spitting poison toward one another we're stabbing each others back.

I blame this on 2 things;

1. Dad's attitude that we were born with
2. Dad's genes

Lately we've been spiteful toward each other and digging our claws into each ones ego and self esteem. Sisters right? I've been smart enough lately to just smile and not and recoil at things that THEY throw at me rather than taking it to heart and beating myself later for hurtful words. Which leads me to my new alliance with my eldest sister who has given me respect and trusts me with a juicy gossip or two.

After that nonsense was done, I was casually reading when my oldest sister and mom are having a conversation on who's the prettiest out of all 3 sisters. Of course my oldest sister has a shitty personality but she's beautiful, the other was pretty when young but now she looks like a hag, and now my eldest sister admits I've grown to be a looker. ME a LOOKER? PUHH-LEASE! Was she drunk/high that day I'll never know but she said it with such sincerity I was taken away at the fact that SHE "Ms. I-will-never-get-married-because-I-love-the-single-life-and-I-want-to-have-every-man-I-can-get- my-hands on" admitted that! To me that was like the underdog of every story getting the winning role. You know my Shrek story in a really weird way. My own world series with that comment, I would go back in time with a recorder and record that because she will NEVER admit she said that.

To me that means a renewed way I look at myself rather than being that little bad ass and pushing everyone away and out of my way, maybe I should change my ways only a little and see how far it gets me. Why don't I change because, it's like changing my entire belief system and buying into what everyone wants me to be.

Maybe I'm letting this get to my head a little, but it's not everyday a hard-assed sister says that toward the naive inexperienced sister.

Just a little less Stressed,
The Eccedentesiast