Recaps and Relapses

Kinda.

I didn't Forget my blog there was just plenty of events and random turns of events I just didn't have time to sit and think about it and brainstorm it.

Christmas came and went along with new years. Family and friends were around during those times so it was great for the most part. During that course I made a new friend... well not so new considering that he's been around for some time we just never crossed communication paths. He's great and one of the few loyal friends I've made. Mainly because he doesn't have pointless bull shit or tries to pick arguments with me and we get along very well. I'm glad I made a friend like him. On the other hand I've definitely cut out a few people for good out of my life just like I said I would and so far everything in regards to my friends is in satisfactory mode. I still need to rekindle old friendships and warm myself up again with those who were awesome friends with me but for now... all of that will come in time.

From this last time I blogged up to now no tragedy's have occurred so far, just plenty of family drama. The hardcore shit going on is starting to mellow down only two things are pending in my close circle of family members. My moms molar that is literally making her less bearable and has her on the edge of bitchy moods, constant headaches, eye spazes, and irritable moods. All of this would of been solved if wasn't for that god damn stubborn trait that everyone in my family is born with. She just objects on going to the dentist and getting over it. Which leads to my sister and her gall stones. ( I twittered it a while back.) She's in need of surgery but she's waiting it out since she hasn't gotten any pains only because she's been eating nothing but non-fat non greasy foods. And yes mentioned trait a few sentences up is the main problem. Things will work out and sort out for both of them, things could be so much worse but they aren't thankfully.

I need to type out the next few things mainly because it's been in my head quite often and I just need to dump it out so bear with me.

Ms. Landeros and Victor.

To be Honest. There were times when I sat by myself and ALMOST convinced myself to just throw the towel in and walk out. But after thinking/doing/talking/feeling/ and seeing a few things. I realized how STUPID I'm being, how over analytical, how insure I'm being and how good and awesome he really is. It's strange when I'm with him I can be my true self, I can do my retarded laugh, say the dumbest and lamest shit ever, sound smart, be playful, horse around with him and bug the crap out of him, and it doesn't bother him he feeds off my energy and acts exactly the same way it cancels out and we end up having a really good time and everything is just perfectly normal to us. Whether it be singing horribly in the car pieces and parts of songs we know together or alone, looking at each other and making fun of each other or whatever it maybe I feel completely happy. I realize how much I really do love him and I really do care.

The only thing is I need to get off my high horse and put effort into spilling out my emotions into words and letting him know exactly how I feel rather than leaving him hanging and unsure. (At least that how I think I leave him at times). Ironically I was really good at expressing myself with words in any ways and now I stubble and trip all over myself when I do it randomly. My stubbornness also plays a part mainly because I'm terrified of getting hurt again. But if I want this to work I need to put my heart out there for him rather than hiding it and keeping it in it's little bubble and letting those emotions flutter only inside rather than letting them out. I should also be more realistic rather than being an over critical over analyzing bitch that lets myself mind fuck myself over really idiotic things that I should not be thinking.

Funny thing is, every time I'm with him and spend time with him we can go for hours just chilling with each other and all of those feelings and insecurities and doubts I hide go away and everything else doesn't matter (almost anything) because all the good that happens gets magnified and multiplied times infinity^2. I've given myself to him completely that should of answered my doubts and insecurities a long time ago and how *he's stuck around knowing almost everything that's going on*. Recapping everything that's happened and 12/11 I actually feel the love I'm just being a complete idiot=(woman).

A few personal goals

• Be verbally expressible
• Touch into my hopeless romantic side
• Try harder (at everything)
• Be available to those who return the favor
• Take life by the balls again

It's gonna be a good year, I can feel it in my bones. Yay Obama!

**In the Process of being a better gf**,
Ms. Landeros

*(it'll be 6mnts soon!)
**(suggestions are gladly taken)

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Listening to: Alkaline Trio - We Can Never Break Up (Unreleased)