Was It Me?

It was bound to happen. It's been 13 days and I've tried to play it off act like it didn't hurt but. It did. It's hurting and It's not going to stop anytime soon. I new something was up I've had that gut feeling I get when something bad is coming.

The more I think about it the more I can't grasp it. It wasn't suppose to end this way, at least not how it happened. Like always I end up not saying what I want to and I keep it to myself until I implode. What kept me from putting my 2 cents out there? I guess the idea of trying this again some time in the future but I'm pretty sure biting my tongue is going to make it extremely awkward the next time around.

Do I still have feelings for him? Yeah I do. If anything I have overdue feelings for him. I wanna wake up and make it seem like all of this is just a bad dream but, it isn't. In the end. I'll benefit from this. I already had some gripes about us. Those gripes are the ones that I should of voiced and not let this be on my shoulders. I know I didn't fail at this. I know it wasn't on me like it seems. I mean if he was another guy he would of wanted to try to fix this with out breaking up right? Or do I have a bad impression of the good guys?

I'm not saying I was a saint I know I had fault. If i would of said "I love You" more often or told him he's the best I've ever had things could of been different. Maybe trying to phone him a little bit more earlier woke up a little bit more early to be free sooner to give him my attention. I disagree with the fact that he thinks we weren't committed to each other because I know I was. For already known reasons he knew this would take effort and he knew I was limited to things. If I wasn't committed to us. I wouldn't be thinking about this too much. He doesn't know this and that's the sad part. I'm to upset to be the bigger person and call him to talk. yet he won't make an effort either so I guess I'm fucked if he does or doesn't.

I'm still In love, And it still hurts.

Heartbroken,
Ms. Landeros