I'm not losing sleep because I got problems or anything. Technically I do but screw it they aren't too bad. Is this going to turn into a love sick post? Ch-Yeah, more than likely.
The thing is I have shit in mind. We're going on 7 months on knowing each other. He's gone to CA and it's getting harder to get by without him near. Let alone his phone was shut off because the bank and his V.A payment shit thing is screwing him over. I'm brain dead half the time.
I know for the last year and some months I've been falling in love too fast with dudes. Granted I wear my heart on my sleeve, yeah I should cut that shit out but whatever. In reality though, I was never myself with any of them. From Victor, Andy, Gus and Rene. I always had to bend something of how I was to each one in the end the only one I really did screwed over was Victor and Gus kinda. Just looking at those 4 names looks weird. Everything that ever happened comes to mind.
A few days ago I broke down on the phone with David. I think that's when I realized how much I miss him. How much I miss bullshitting through out the day around town doing nothing but nonsense. Maybe I'm being greedy but I want David to come back and stay here I'm uneasy with him being in Cali I guess because there's alot of miles from El Paso, TX to Victorville, CA. Anything can happen, anyone can come. I never felt scared to lose someone this way.
I do acknowledge that his absence is driving me crazy and I know that my weakness is that when I don't get boyfriend time with the boyfriend I lose interest (Victor) or I end up cheating (Gus) and I don't wanna do either. Rene isn't helping I'll tell you this much. After all he was the guy I cheated on Gus with. And I honestly DO NOT want history to repeat itself. The best thing I can do Is Isolate myself from him and a select few who push my buttons. For the sake of what I have with what I think is the most amazing individual that has come into my life.
My main concern though is my parents not liking him. With my luck I'm pretty sure that's going to be the big deal after all something ALWAYS goes wrong with anything I do. I'll pray to all the angels and all the saints hell I might even go to church and pray to the main man to give me at least this one.
Pros:
- Encourages Me To Give It all For School
- Hears Me Out
- Helps Me Out
- Makes Me Laugh
- Gets The Random Crap I Blab About
- Share Alot of Similarities
- Wants Me To Finish And Continue My Education No Matter What
Cons:
- He WAS a soldier
- His Taste In Clothing
More Than Likely Turn Catholic,
Ollie Landeros (Ms.Landeros)
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