If you keep up with me you might know I am once again on the road to single hood. Only this is this time around it didn't hit me so hard. I couldn't come to a conclusion as to why I was so nonchalant about it. Yeah, I felt the sting and yes it did shot down my ego but this time around I was prepared for it. I had my parachute on in case of an immediate evacuation. I know this is wrong but I think I'm just not ready to take on a SERIOUS relationship. I'm not going to sit here and lie and say that through out all of my relationships I have been loyal. I haven't. I'm not ready to settle down with 1 guy, I've dated a few and yeah a few had a rare connection, each one not strong enough to last a life time. I've had a taste of just about everything out there that's around me and I think I can safely say I know what I'm looking for but I don't need it right now.
The thing of it is, the "perfect relationship" I based it on other peoples stories, movies, books or whatever that had a love plot down. That's where I went wrong. I cannot base a relationship on something someone else made a rubric for, Love isn't perfect, Love doesn't have a manual it's different. There's different kinds of love and relationships and it would be foolish of me to try to bring to life a love story someone else wrote. If I did, It wouldn't be mine, i wouldn't love it. I'm not looking but I'm not closing the door on it. The bad thing is due to EVERYTHING that has gone done in EVERY relationship I was involved in I've started to make a list of things to avoid which is not letting me keep the door completely open. I need to change that, after all risking everything and getting hurt isn't as bad as not risking it all and regretting not doing what I should of. Yeah, I'm changing my outlook on things and not just in love and relationships.
I know I've grown up plenty in a year. I've seen and gone through enough to make me really notice the things I've taken for granted. Now I'm taking advantage of making things right. I've also learned to let things go and accept things as they are. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink it. I've done what I can and until someone comes along willing to meet me half ways I'm there.
Thankfully, I feel at peace with everything. To hold on to something that had no real future is to lose more time on myself. Thankfully everyone is alright. Thankfully I have a family who even though they're screwy and not close knit there all behind me 100%. Thankfully I got my friends who'll let me lean on them when shit goes bad. Thankfully I have my humor to laugh at my fuck ups and at the things that fuck me over. Thankfully I'm lucky.
To the Future Boyfriend:
- It's the little details that matter.
- A simple Hello and I miss you a day is fine with me
- Even a 2 minute conversation is fine
- Hear me out, You don't have to say anything just let me know you're there
- Don't lie to me
- Don't tell me you want to marry me
- Let me know if I'm being distant
I'm not complicated. I'm not a bitch. I'm not stuck up. I'm simply me.
We Should All Kick it Someday,
Ms.Landeros
